So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
