you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
