We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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