Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
