You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
