So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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