Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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