it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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