whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
