Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
