Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
