Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
