Fine. I'll sleep in my office
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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