My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
