Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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