We named our party play list daddy issues
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
