so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
