Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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