so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
