he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
