I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
