The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
