Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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