my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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