I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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