Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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