My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
