my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
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