Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
