I'm drive I can fine osifer
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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