fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
