Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Randomize
