I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
