I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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