My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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