Who wears a wallet chain?!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
