I need help removing her.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
