So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
