Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
