Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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