In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
