my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
