forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
