So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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