having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
