so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
