I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
