I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
