I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
