If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
