I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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